The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (2009)

       Troy Duffy returns to the streets of Boston with a sequel to his 1999 cult hit despite such a follow-up being both unnecessary and unwarranted.  And in the places that many found acceptably over the top and gratuitously stylish are hinted at and returned to unsubtly and ineffectively.  I have not found a reason for the widespread appeal, at least for the target demographic, of the first film because I do not share the enthusiasm.  Regardless, it is obvious with this film that many of the marks set by the first are erroneously duplicated to banal result and its presence more taints than supports its predecessor.

            A copycat killer emerges thirsty for blood in Boston church and commits a crime with intended effect of rousting the Saints out of hiding in the Irish countryside where they are camouflaged in years of uncharted facial hair growth.  The plan inevitably works as they arrive stateside to clear their name, commit some more gratuitous violence, and take on a misplaced and annoying-as-can-be sidekick whilst evading the FBI and law enforcement alike.  The supporting cast of cheesy cops is so sophomorically written and pathetically conceived that it is difficult to decide whether dialogue or delivery is worse.  It is matters not, however, as either way their placement is surely and clearly aimed but poorly and inaccurately fired. 

Ong-bak 2

In case you were wondering how the Muay Thai infused Ong-bak began, which you weren’t (but who cares), this sequel fills all that in. Star Tony Jaa takes the directing helm for part two and delivers a film that, while occasionally distracted by exposition and plot development, is basically a giant, awesome, amazing, brutal, fantastic, insane, bloody, jaw-dropping, mind-bending, laugh inducing, pain inducing, flippin’ sweet fight scene.

We see Jaa as a child whose parents are inevitably killed by a mean ruler and he must avenge their death by training in the combative arts in a remote and impressive village of fighters. The rest of the movie is Jaa killing a bunch of people, and an alligator, and inflicting pain on countless more. If the first film wasn’t simply an excuse to show of the martial skills (District B13 anyone?), then this film makes it rather impossible to be anything but. The visuals are dirty and detailed, beautiful and scary. The fighting is the same.

Like any martial arts movie worth watching, a variety of fighting styles, weapons, and characters come and go and battle one another. Animals manage to get their combative skills in as well. As a whole, though, the film is entirely watchable and admittedly quite exhausting. The fight scenes are diverse enough and complex enough to make them fun. Despite the lack of acting ability, Jaa manages to seem human enough to enjoy watching. This sequel may be superior to its predecessor in both its technical qualities and its fight choreography.

The first Ong-bak tried to take itself a little too seriously for the comedy sprinkled throughout. This film, while laugh inducing because of the sheer incomprehensibility, demands to be taken seriously. Any film with such a staggering body count and savage depiction of ceremony certainly shouldn’t aim to joke. The one exception remains the unexplained and underdeveloped basket-head who makes an ominous appearance towards the end of the film. Check out this sequel for an intense, pleasing, and mindless experience.

Smokin' Aces 2

Further proof that successful box office ventures are only validated by making a horrific, straight-to-video sequel. The victim this time is Joe Carnahan’s Smokin’ Aces, which ranks right near the top of my list of guilty pleasures. The surprise, in contrast to the ultimate insult of S. Darko, is that Carnahan was involved as executive producer, thus slightly legitimizing something that should not exist.

Carnahan’s original film features a huge cast of criminals, hit men, and government officials all converging at a Lake Tahoe hotel for an exciting round of carnage. The film is flashy, stylish, inventive, entertaining, and doesn’t spend too much time developing needless exposition. This is not to say it is plotless, but action and effects overshadow the developments. Its sequel, in sharp contrast, rips off nearly every aspect of the original and succeeds in none of them. Be it the bold, frame stealing titles, the use of elevators, the brutal Tremors, or the inclusion of many, many guns, 2 makes everything look like a giant, cheaply conceived joke. Unfortunately, a few characters are reincarnated from the original, the rest simply being ripped off. Director P.J. Pesce is uncertain how to handle the action scenes that comprise much of the film. Any sense of environmental orientation is absent with guns firing every which way yet still managing to hit their targets. The explosions feel only half-rendered. The blood is noticeably excessive in comparison to its predecessor. And all the characters that were cool are now laughable. The timeless bad-assery of Tom Berenger should have added a solid foundation of awesome but he too was degraded to straight to DVD pathos.

Smokin’ Aces is a high-rolling exercise in excess, from the penthouse shoot-out to Mafia affiliated target. It is clear, even beyond the promise of a million dollar reward, that lot’s of people are rolling in money and nearly everyone is inspired by greed. Yet for Smokin’ Aces 2, the high rise hotel is replaced by a badly lit club on a fake looking street and the wheelchair bound hit is practically buried alive from the start in a cavernous bunker. The film immediately loses any high-gloss connection to the film it tries so pathetically to emulate. Unsurprisingly, and rather fortunately, Clint Mansell’s score is noticeably absent.

In conclusion, the first film is not a great movie, but is endlessly fun and entertaining. The second film is a bad excuse for a movie that is endless in its exploits and fun only as a point of reference to the first. I’d ask people to stop making bad movies but they wouldn’t listen.

Ever Seen It: Troll 2

Yes, I watched Troll 2. Yes, it was pretty bad. Yes, you should watch it for free on Hulu. And no, you should not expect a polished piece of cinematic history that will inspire independent filmmaking and youngster film students for generations. But you should expect hoards of deliciously bad special effects, misplaced sound, and quite possibly the worst attempt at making a creature this side of The Killer Shrews.

For those of you who don’t know, Troll 2 is an unrelated plagiarism of an entirely different film and makes no explicit or even implicit reference to the namesake Troll film that, unlike number 2, actually contains a troll. This film is a perfect example of attempting to capitalize on something that had only minor success hoping that it fares better than absolutely no success. But we are smarter than this and in only one viewing, or even a montage, this piece of trash is instantly dethroned as nothing more than cheap, very cheap, entertainment. I suppose the poster could have hinted to that fact. The film is helmed by Italian schlockster Claudio Fragasso under the pseudonym Drake Floyd clearly suggesting that the film might not be such a proud achievement and its tagline, One Was Not Enough, strikes a comically ironic note.

The only redeeming factor, besides the endless amounts of green goo and human plants, comes in the form of Michael Stephenson. As the young Joshua he is the only one savvy to the goblin agenda cleverly disguised within the town Nilbog. Aided by apparitions of his dead grandfather and using his natural ability to scream he and his bad acting family defeat the plastic faced midgets to hilarious result. Stephenson has since directed a documentary about the cult phenomenon of the film. Tis a great example of how the Internet can, like nothing else, making something so bad into something so revered.

Do not forget, I beg you, Troll 2 is a bad movie. No, it’s not up there with Plan 9 From Outer Space but considering they probably put more effort into it than Ed Wood it’s not surprising. Lest I forget, the acting in this movie is horrendous and plays like a Troma film sucked dry of any drop of talent. Of course, credit where credit is due, they think they are acting well. And while it doesn't help that their scripted actions involved no improvisational freedom, much of what happens makes no sense. Let’s only hope that the pending Troll remake bears no resemblance to its unrelated follower.

Upcoming Movies

Sequels: For Better or For Worse
(in mostly chronological order)
(italicized means TBD)
New York, I Love You
Ong Bak 2: The Beginning
Saw VI
Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day
Twilight: New Moon
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel
Iron Man 2
Sex and the City 2
Shrek Forever After
Toy Story 3
Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
Hairspray 2
Step Up 3
Resident Evil: Afterlife
Halloween 3D
Tron Legacy
Underworld 4
Spiderman 4
The Hangover 2
Kung Fu Panda: The Kaboom of Doom
Cars 2
Happy Feet 2
Madagascar 3
Rashomon 2010
District 13 Ultimatum (Sequel to D-13)
Beverly Hills Cop 4
XXX: The Return of Xander Cage
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Remakes?
Nightmare on Elmstreet
The Karate Kid
Piranha 3D
Footloose
Red Dawn
Poltergeist
Robocop
Aladin (live action Aladdin)
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (Animated non musical)

Hairy Plotter

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is, in the fashion of all Harry Potter movies, a mere continuation of the previous film. David Yate's exceptional eye for the beautification of the simple pulls the audience into another two and a half hour story that may never lose it's power, yet somehow never gains any.
Starting right off where the 5th movie left us, this latest installment can best be described as "a filler." The movie starts out with large explosions and plenty of frightened people, and ends just the same. There is little escalation of excitement from the beginning to the end. In this way, this film is becomes merely a bridge to get from the 5th movie to the 6th.
Because most of the people with whom I shared the auditorium midnight on opening day had already read the books, we were able to laugh at the smallest of hints relating to the book. That is, when we saw the armchair in the torn up house of Professor Slughorn, we all knew what would happen next. Surprisingly, Kloves' latest adaptation stays very true to the book, even if the book does exceed 600 pages. While many of the larger more important events were scaled down to fit the 2.5 hour limit, nearly each enticing moment of the book can be found within the movie.
As for the cinematic aesthetics of the film, Yate's does what he did for the 5th film to a greater level in this 6th film. The beautiful, half-desaturated, crisp image that fills the large screen of the theater is pure eye candy. Each sweeping tracking camera move is beautifully achieved (if with a little help from a computer). The score, by Nicholas Hooper, is simple at times, but elegant. Bringing back the quidditch game required the reuse of John Williams theme, a theme we've not heard since the third movie. It was a delightful return to a beautiful score, with a passionate embrace of the new themes from the 5th film.
If all else in this film is truly as delightful as I have described, then I must ruin it with a critique of the acting. While Michael Gambon and Jim Broadbent pull off their characters wonderfully, I can't help but feel Daniel Radcliff's un-enigmatic approach to his main character puts a damper on most of the story. Emma Watson does well, but the true uplift was Rupert Grint, whose portrayal of Ron Weasley was quite perfect.
On the whole, the film was a visually stunning one, and possibly the best addition to the Harry Potter series despite the unnecessary extension of the love quarrel between Hermione and Ron.

Unnecessary Existence: S. Darko

It should come as no surprise, to fans and filmmakers alike, that the much un-anticipated sequel to Donnie Darko has fared negatively. Were it not for the deplorably numerous and parasitic references to the original and a fifty percent similar title, this film would be a unrecognizable, straight to DVD, low budget-teen-trash picture promoting itself as ‘Donnie Darko Sequel!’

Perhaps an alternatively apt introduction would articulate director Chris Fisher’s complete and blatant disregard for the source material and those of us the love it. Bragging about YouTube death threats on the DVD commentary and laughing at his IMDB defenders is a surefire way to let people you know you enjoyed desecrating their film. And had it not been for the money hungry, lets-sap-whatever-we-can from a box office failure turn $10 million dollar DVD return, then said desecration of a dark, teenage cult thriller puzzle film would not be the topic of this writing.

Where Richard Kelly’s film succeeded, Fisher’s film becomes cheap imitation. Despite attempts to add to the dark and mysterious lore, newfound elements in the shape of meteoric tessaracts and a glowing feather go unexplained and unwarranted. Images that stood fascinating and relevant in the first become shameless references dependent on established connections to the story.

The story itself is a near retelling of the first, of course, the second time around it is strained for new directions, muddled with plagiarism, and inherently unsuccessful at capturing the confused, innocent, and insecure tone of its predecessor. Where namesake Donnie’s teenage escapades developed a troubled youth, Samantha’s expose nothing but writer’s block and immature vies at attracting an alternative audience.

If this film had been asked for, then perhaps it could have succeeded. But it was not. And now it has not. This, a revelation that should come as no surprise to a film that lacks of originality and forethought, should be kept in mind before the third installment continues on its path.